You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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