he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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