rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
