if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
