I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
