Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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