I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
