you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
