how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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