I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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