So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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