After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
