so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
