Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
