I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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