He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
