If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
