Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
