She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
