Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
