oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
