i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
