Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
