How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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