About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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