I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
