You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
