Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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