I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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