She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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