If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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