its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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