A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
