I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
