I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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