I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
