Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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