Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
