dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
