I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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