im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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