genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
