I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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