he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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