Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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