I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
