stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
