They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
