O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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