sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
