I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
