don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
