Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
