from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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