Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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