I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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