Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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