God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing