The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her