What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
