I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat