you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
